i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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