I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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