Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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