Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She needs sedatives and a leash
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
