you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
