we're blogging at a bar
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
