If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
