the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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