I feel great
I just peed on a car
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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