Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Who died my cat blue again?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
