Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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