'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
