i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
