I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
