I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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