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• (971): View more from Oregon

  he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out

  (916): View more from California

  you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.

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• (530): View more from California

  Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood

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• (510): View more from California

  You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious

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• (406): View more from Montana

  If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.

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