My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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