VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
