I smell stomach acid.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I see more hoeing in ur future
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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