mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
no, he came in my armpit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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