you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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