Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
