Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
