Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
