oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
time to smoke my breakfast
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize