exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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