buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
