he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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