I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
