this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
