i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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