Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
