All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
