Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
