I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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