I love black thongs
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
