More tranny stories later!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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