All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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