Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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