Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
