i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
