WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
