he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
