No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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