The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
