when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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