do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
