take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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