I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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