i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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