Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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