she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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