you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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