I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
