i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
