I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
