i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
