a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
