I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
