I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sarcasm needs its own font
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
