i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
