Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
