Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
