Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
too bad you live with your parents still
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
