We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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