I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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