I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
