Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
